There is seeing things from different perspectives. Then, there is calling white black. Sometimes a person can be so convincing in their lies or delusions that you start to doubt your own interpretation of what’s going on. You ask yourself: am I wrong?

Maybe, but that’s not the point. “Am I wrong?” is the wrong question to ask in this situation, mainly for 2 reasons. First, high cost: in order to answer this question, you need to invest time and you sanity to dig up hard evidence. Second, questionable benefit: the answer might not lead you anywhere. So what that you’d prove you’re right and they are wrong? What good will that do you? A simple cost-benefit analysis here can give you pause.

A better question to ask is: Looking at the big picture, what end game are you going towards, and therefore what is the right next move? 

The way you orient yourself determines whether you win or lose, so always orient yourself towards your goal. If the goal you want to achieve is something tangible (new revenue, or cost saving, or deeper connection with someone), arguing about right and wrong is useless. Always have a clear intention on what you want out of a situation. Stick to that intention, and filter out everything else.

Sure, sometimes, it’s necessary for you to stand up for yourself and clear the air on what’s actually happening. When you do that, get the hard evidence and you should use it as “public relation” in front of teammates or other relevant people, because the goal is to defend your reputation, rather than actually arguing with someone. (Keep it cool and professional, ladies. Women can easily get labeled as the stereotypical “angry women”, which is bad for your career.) If there is no “public relation” to do, the best way you can help yourself is to shut up and go do something that moves you closer to your goal. Argument rarely help you with your goals.

I wrote a post a couple months ago about why you need to find the organizational gravity and orient yourself towards gravity, rather than the whimsical needs of other people. That’s a good addition to this post. Go read it.

“Remember. The enemy’s gate is down.” — Ender’s Game. by Orson Scott Card